03/06/2026
The power of listening - Do you know your audience?
Not long ago I was listening to a Keynote speaker give an address on the topic of ‘listening better’. This was an exclusive gathering in London of perhaps 50 leading financial planners, all very much engaged in a full day of learning around how we could each better support, serve and meet the needs of our clients.
The slides were colourful and had some interesting thoughts. The speaker had an impressive background as a negotiator, and recounted for us literally life-or-death situations where listening carefully had made all the difference to the outcome.
And yet, in his interactions with the quite intimate audience, for me at least, something felt off. Perhaps he was trying to be deliberately different. Perhaps he wanted to provoke more than a clichéd response. But after asking for audience for suggestions on what is key to good listening, the speaker almost dismissively brushed aside the suggestions he got, as outdated or not relevant. Not surprisingly, fewer hands went up. And it seemed perverse that a speech on “Listening Well” was being delivered by someone who apparently didn’t value what anyone else had to say!
I don’t know if it was my previous training as a teacher and educator, or my own tendency to resist authoritarian approaches, but I wasn’t enjoying the tone. However, there were others in the audience who clearly were stimulated by this contrarian viewpoint – encapsulated in the idea that you have to find someone’s core motive or goal – and that should be the laser-focus of good listening. There may be a kernel of truth there, so I did my best to listen with an open mind.
From my perspective, the session got worse. The speaker asked for a show of hands regarding situations where we needed to close a sale even if we didn’t really have much affinity for, or maybe even didn’t trust the other person. And I’m sure this is a routine challenge for a police officer dealing with a person who is no longer behaving rationally – he gave the example of where someone is holding their own family hostage and threatening violence.
But he couldn’t believe that almost no-one in the audience seemed to agree that sometimes you just have to spend several hours listening carefully to someone you really don’t like or trust. Maybe the speaker was used to addressing large gatherings of product salespeople: where listening skills are a means to “win” a negotiation or close a deal and earn the commission.
Instead, in this room we were almost all planners for whom one of the most important parts of our work is building a substantial long-term relationship with anyone we’re looking to help. We certainly do have some difficult, delicate conversations, and sometimes a person we work with is under substantial pressure and looking to release some of that onto us. But if we can’t build on trust and openness, or it’s clear that we’re only being given partial information, many of us have learned to walk away rather than blindly or ignorantly trying to support someone with potentially crucial life-altering decisions.
While there were some thought-provoking nuggets to take away from the session, I believe that it lost some of its power because the speaker assumed several things about his audience. He may have brought with him a mindset from the hierarchical command structure of a police team. Or he may not have taken the time to fully understand who we in the audience were and how we work. Despite having some excellent visual materials, the tone in which the speaker delivered his words on what makes good listening, actually seemed to undermine the message.
No matter who you are, we’re all in situations where you want to make your meaning clear and relevant to others. So, here are a few key ideas that the speech did help me (perhaps accidentally) to consider around how to help your message land well with your audience:
• Do your research on your audience: as much as you can, try to get information before-hand that will help you understand their approach, perspectives, or needs.
• Even after background research has been done, when you’re with your audience, first take the time to calibrate your sense of not only who they are, but also their mood there and then, and let this help you shape your approach to the message and delivery. In the words of Stephen R Covey, “Understand first, then be understood”.
• Listen early to what is most important to them – because often this is the key to unlocking the conversation for everyone.
• Match your tone with their emotional state – this is one of the great challenges of management of teams, and also of doing a good job supporting financial planning clients. It requires figuring out what their frame of mind is, and whether they most need: reassurance, freedom to act, a nudge, or a kick in the rear! 😄
• Listen to the voice in your head. It’s surprising how much your sub-conscious will pick up on long before you can understand it rationally. If you feel you’re losing the connection with your audience, for whatever reason, figure out how you may be able to change the trajectory of the conversation. This can take some practice, and unfortunately some of it is also just luck and timing. Complete wipe-outs do happen - whether in presentations or conversations (just ask any comedian about trying new material!). If you’re lucky, the audience will be understanding, and you can look to revisit the subject at another time.
In Financial Planning good communication and understanding the needs of each individual is important, because working well to support someone often spans a range of emotional, practical, and technical needs.
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None of the above is financial or investment advice and you should speak to me or someone else professionally qualified to give you advice specifically tailored to your circumstances.
