Olubunmi The-Money-Therapist

24/06/2026

15/06/2026

Qwara looked at her account balance earlier today and had to ask, “Is today really only the 15th? For real?”

You see…

Every month, Qwara began on the high hopes that “this month will be different from last month. I know better now.” Unfortunately, her recent discovery that her financial situation is her report card isn't making things easier on her. At least before now she could blame everybody but herself. Now, she's been forced to confront this truth: the amount of wealth she can accumulate or deploy per time is ultimately her responsibility to determine.

It's why when she looked at her account balance earlier today, she instantly knew that she had 3 options:

Allow her discovery to daze/numb her, freezing her thinking.

Go on the offensive, shutting down every single channel through which her money flows out until she finds the culprit that depleted her money.

Smile and sip some tea.

In the past, ignorance of her power would've made Qwara think she was powerless in the face of the confrontation by her bank account balance. Knowledge acquired from a financial community she joined at the beginning of the year, though, empowered Qwara to choose her reaction. And she chose Option 3.

Here's why…

The money is already gone. There's no point crying over split milk. In fact, should she allow her mind the luxury of going numb, she risked making additional not-wrong-but-non-beneficial choices throughout the day. Qwara needed her brain functioning at its highest capacities over the next few days or she'd have to borrow to survive the month. And that was not an option she wanted to be confined to.

Again, irrationally closing all outflow channels wouldn't change much. If she cancelled her subscriptions, for example, that may save her money next month. But, it won't provoke a refund of what she'd paid for this month. Pausing her automated savings wasn't an option either. “Saving is more about the frequency than the amount,” she recalled from one of those financial literacy webinars. She refused to allow the savings muscles she had trained to go slack on her. So, that stayed, too. Or, is it the N10,000 per month that automatically goes towards ETFs that she would cancel? “No way! This brain had better be ready to do some work instead.”

Now you see why Qwara chose to just smile and sip some tea, don't you? The calm she would experience is in her best interest.

Thus, as she looked contemplatively upon the steam rising from her tea, Qwara's mind drifted towards her cousin who owned a farm and sold yams. Instinctively, she reached for her phone and wrote a new WhatsApp status, “I can supply you Yams.”

It didn't matter whether any of her friends made an inquiry about “her yams” or not. Qwara had a free advert space and she wasn't going to allow it to go to waste. The selfie she'd uploaded just before checking her account balance could remain there, she reasoned. “Let people be attracted by the fine face, then see that I sell yams, too.” What wasn't allowed was for people to only ‘awww’ and ‘oooh’ and ‘omalicha nwa’ her selfie without that attention she had now grabbed putting money in her pocket.

Qwara also didn't as much as consult her cousin before putting up her yams WhatsApp status. Because she knew herself. Any small resistance along the process and Qwara would lose her nerve. Laslas, if someone placed an order and her cousin didn't have the yams, there would be at least one other person in the village who would be able to fulfill the order.

Status posted, Qwara returned to her meditative state. And by the time that work was to begin and she'd sat down at her desk, Qwara already had 5 new WhatsApp statuses.

That's when she came to admit that everything was working in her favour:

1. The prohibition of phone use during work hours meant that she wouldn't keep checking for interests and be tempted to delete her uploads by 10am.

2. That she got to work at about the time that cleaners got to work ensured she could get one of them to clean a meeting room for her while she sat undisturbed for one full hour.

3. That she refused to panic opened up new possibilities she hadn't considered before now. In essence, her brain delivered on the mandate she had given it.

Qwara decided not to worry but to repost the same 5 possibilities the next day. Some would laugh at her by themselves. Others would reach out to tease her: “Fine babe, you don add selling of Yams to the office work wey you dey do?”

However, each conversation was a potential sale. Qwara was sure of that. Who else would know about her cousin's yams if she didn't advertise it that way? Who might be looking to buy the 42 yams for a traditional wedding only to have any of Qwara’s friends reveal that they could get their desire for cheaper?

Qwara made a mental note to call her cousin for specifics on her way home. Under her breath, though, Qwara said, “Account balance, thank you for the nudge, o.”

How you react to a thing that has happened could either amplify or diminish its effect on you. So, be like Qwara and get into financial literacy communities that can fortify you ahead of when you confront a dire financial situation.

Consider a money therapy session, too, if you would rather the privacy and particularity. Here: selar.com/m/themoneytherapist.

Reach out soon, alright?

A bouquet of premium money therapy services priced for bi-weekly and monthly subscription payments.

14/06/2026

How do you split your own year? How do you delineate one season from the next within the same year?

- Dry season vs rainy season?

- 365/366 days divided by 2?

- The first 6 months vs the last 6 months?

- The period pre-employment or pre-promotion vs post?

- That time when you bussed around town vs when your car arrived?

How do you make your own split? And, why is this even necessary? Because, the why may be even more important than the how.

Well, remember Newton's First Law of Motion? Every body continues in a state of rest or uniform motion except an external force is applied?

If we do nothing about the way or pace at which we have done things previously, those things will continue in a state of uniform motion at best. If we restrategize, though, the new strategy could be the external force that Newton's Law promises will make a difference.

However, to choose the right strategy, we often need to take a pause first. Because, of what use is introducing a strategy that would disrupt one's uniform motion without benefits now or in the future?

This is why I started out asking the question around splitting the year (and, by the way, it doesn't have to be into two). It might be necessary to take a pause, step away even if only figuratively from the way things have always been, enough to uncover better ways of “fixing an unbroken system”.

The pause may or may not reveal a problem. However, it just might reveal a slightly more beneficial alternative. Or, it could validate your position about how to handle the matter at hand.

In more practical terms, taking a break could mean:

- Taking a 3-day leave from work.

- Choosing silence on the ride to and from work for the next 1 week.

- Having lunch in the courtyard rather than in the cafeteria.

- Strolling home through a different route.

- Binge watching a movie series in a genre you usually don't watch.

- Showing up physically where you'd always been a virtual participant.

- Attending conferences outside your industry over the next month.

- Etc.

Whichever you choose, focus on the fact that it would need to be an interruption to your routine for it to be profitable for the purpose.

So, today being June 14, you may want to take a break on the 15th, restrategize over the next 2 weeks, then hit the ground running as July begins.

Or, you may prefer to include a money therapy session in your break as part of generating ideas for the 6 months of the year that begins in July. Here: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Let's freshen up your mind for more money-generating ideas to find room, shall we?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 60-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

13/06/2026

I looked at my writing prompt for today and laughed at the irony.

Backstory…

I have written at least one article everyday this year and will sunset this exercise on June 15. To ensure that I keep my commitment to myself more than anyone else, I laid out the writing prompts ahead. That way, I wake up with at least a seed to feed my mind, as we negotiate on what to write.

Pre-agreed prompts also mean that what I am to write about sometimes feels like a setup. Like it does today. And, here's why…

In the last 24 hours, I have both been offered help and had help requested of me. Sometimes it was monetary. At other times, it wasn't. In each situation, I could neither easily accept nor provide the help in question.

Someone reached out to offer some subscriptions, for example, and I asked so many questions until I provoked the question, “Why these plenty questions thrown at me, though?” Lol. Another person had offered a trip and though it was much-welcome help, I couldn't immediately jump on the offer.

The courage it takes to ask for help is, unfortunately, not built in the gym. If it were, one would only need to locate the nearest gym, or maybe buy some weights to use at home and, voilà! Asking for help becomes a walk in the park.

Receiving help can also be as difficult, as my struggles revealed. And so I will continue to write as my mind releases the words, hoping that you and I inch closer towards healing as we hear and read them.

The request and acceptance of help is often met with some friction for reasons revealed by the following thoughts:

1. “Would I retain my dignity after this encounter? Will I still be able to hold my head high, voice any counteropinions, rebuke any wrongdoing of this person after this help is provided?”

2. “Would other people in our mutual circles be amenable to the idea? Or, would I have embarrassed them by accepting this help?”

In the first example-thought, only the provider and recipient of the help are considered. In the second, though, both of them plus those in their spheres of influence get on stage. Expectedly, the presence of the additional variables raises the level of friction around the request for or acceptance of help.

In smoothing out our inhibitions, it might be helpful to take a peek into what's going on on the help-provider’s end of things. Bear in mind that the “provider” here either has offered or we have made a request of them. The desired provider may be:

1. Unable to meet the advertised need.

2. Unwilling, even though able, to provide that need.

3. Better able to provide an alternative to the desired help.

4. One who is looking for additional people to “enslave” with the help offered.

5. One who really finds as much fulfilment in giving as one would find in receiving the gift.

In the light of the above, maybe if we asked differently, receiving help would become easier and rewarding for all concerned. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Ask with a pre-determination to not feel slighted if the answer is No. That's a conversation between you and your mind.

2. Ask, leaving room for the desired provider to not feel trapped by your request. You may want to leave messages rather than place phone calls, for example.

3. Ask such that your request would be prioritised amidst the other possible requests that the help-provider has received. Specify the purpose of the help desired and the impact its receipt (or otherwise) would have on your intended purpose.

I will now add a 4th suggestion, particularly for instances where money is the ask, and provide an example that would, hopefully, drive home the point:

4. Ask intending to pay back.

This positioning forces one to articulate precisely what value the money is contributing to the purpose for which it is intended. It also forces the brain to think about what the returns on that investment are likely to be. That way, when the promise of payback by a certain date is made, the person promising is likely to keep the promise.

Let's take a look at how Padonu and his Aunt navigated the request and provision of help recently. He had come to a point in business where Padonu felt he was going to forfeit the opportunity of a bid without the injection of some funds into his business. As he went from friend to friend, thinking he could call in favours, it soon became clear that he wouldn't raise any money that way.

Hence, Padonu went to his favourite Aunt. “I can trust her not to share my issue with the rest of the family,” he thought to himself. This made him feel comfortable opening up to her.

A business woman herself, Padonu’s Aunt asked him a series of questions with the aim to understand his business model. What she uncovered was shocking. “No wonder you were always evasive whenever I asked you about business. So, this is the rot you'd been sitting on?”

By the end of their very long conversation, Padonu’s Aunt offered him 4 times what he had initially requested. However, it wasn't altogether an altruistic venture. It was because she could see that:

1. What Padonu requested would have him cap-in-hands again in about 6 months from that time. Better to give him enough now to prevent that from happening.

2. Especially by loaning Padonu her Accountant, this favourite Aunt would 10x her investment over the next 2 years. Helping her favourite nephew was a business decision. It opened up her investment vault rather than her charity one to Padonu.

How have you been asking for help? What would you do differently going forward, whether it be with the asking or with the receiving of help?

I may not be able to help you with receiving. My mind just taught both of us about that one, remember? Lol. I would need to study and internalise these lessons a little more.

What I can help with, though, is with the articulation of the value you bring to the table. Here: linktr.ee/olubunmitmt. That way, you ask for help knowing when, and how much precisely, you can promise to pay back without breaking your promise.

Reach out, alright?

12/06/2026

Ogechi’s tooth went AWOL and almost took with it her financial blueprint.

No, think about it…

How can a person's tooth excuse itself from one's mouth without taking permission? Isn't that an act punishable by law?

Well, that's how Ogechi felt after a visit to the dentist. The anaesthetic given to her shielded her from the cruelty of her tooth until she was back at home. That was when she had to ask, “Na wetin I do this tooth wey make im waka comot? Where is the place of forgiveness in all of these?”

Admittedly, Ogechi had consistently treated her teeth like the current ones were merely on a Students’ Industrial Work Experience Scheme (SIWES) training. Like they were just hanging around for a few months until they rotate out and a new set will step in. Each time, too, her teeth sent her notices of abuse which she dismissed lightheartedly each time.

One of her molars, though, got tired of its concerns being unacknowledged. So, it wrote a strongly-worded personal letter to Ogechi. “We need to talk,” the letter read.

Unfortunately, Ogechi was too busy enjoying the conference with her favourite treats to step away. That, and the fact that she had those gruelling hours of work to contend with. Because, even Ogechi couldn't tell which was the cart and which the horse: Did the treats keep her juices running as she powered through work; or, did the demand of work necessitate those treats as an easily accessible reward?

Well, when Mr. Molar could no longer bear the negligence, he just left Ogechi to the elements. “How can you be so busy that you wouldn't brush your teeth before going to bed? After inviting all these saboteurs into our territory?” he questioned, then downed tools.

It was at this juncture that Ogechi began doing salty rinses…and dodging cold drinks…and avoiding tough meat at parties, etc. And they worked. Until they no longer did. Because the damage had been done and those remedies became insufficient to keep her sane at work.

Thus, Ogechi went in to see the dentist and what she encountered…well, let's just say she never espererit! Lol. Lo and behold, her health insurance package only permitted dental investigations but no extractions - until the 8th month of the first subscription.

“I can't promise not to resign from the office if I had to bear this pain for the next 3 months,” Ogechi said aloud. Mr. Molar just did the “I warned you multiple times, didn't I?” facial expression. Just for a few brief seconds. And, Ogechi couldn't punish it for that infraction without punishing herself in the process. So, she had to suck in the attitude she was receiving from the otherwise-diligent Mr. Molar. And she booked an appointment with the dentist for the prescribed extraction.

As you must already be aware, the booking goes beyond, “Mr. Dentist, you go come work tomorrow? I fit reach your side that tomorrow, o. You go dey house? Let's see how it goes, sha.”

Noooo!

Booking means safely piloting the money from Ogechi’s account to the Hospital's account. And that she did. Which is what dented her finances.

You see…

What Ogechi needed for this tooth extraction amounted to all she had saved up in the past 6 months. It was then she began to ask:

“What's the point of saving, sef, if all one's savings could be wiped out by just one medical emergency?”

That the money was available such that she didn't need to borrow or wait another 3 months for her insurance payment to accommodate this extraction was somehow lost in the scheme of things.

You see how Ogechi’s financial convictions are being challenged by life's circumstances? You see why it felt as if Mr. Molar went away without leave and took her financial blueprint with her?

Well, in what ways have you been questioning your own persuasions due to unexpected expenses? What are you tempted to stop doing or resume doing because some circumstances didn't play out according to your plans?

Hang in there, alright? The situation is only temporary. It will eventually pass, no matter how long it stays. To discard your beliefs now is to invalidate the experiences that led you to those convictions about how to manage your own money. Please don't waste those experiences.

And, in the event that you haven't articulated your own financial convictions yet, now is the time to. There is wisdom in sharpening your cutlass before you will need it to fell a tree, you know?

Reach out here: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Through our interactions, we could make some unexpected expenses…well…less unexpected.

You'd like this, wouldn't you?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 60-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

11/06/2026

Niran dropped another receipt into the storage compartment of his center console and smiled.

He had just driven out of the fuel station where he received a receipt from the fuel station attendant. Promptly, he sent that receipt to “precisely where it should go.”

Next, he briefly rummaged through a nylon on the front seat which contained the aftershave, pack of chewing gum and shoe polish that he just picked up from the supermarket. “The receipt for that purchase can't be far behind,” he muttered. Eyes firmly on the road, Niran searches for 2 more seconds and Eureka! He posts that one, too, to its place of primary assignment. Niran had made a discovery that has helped him to be more clear-headed about his money.

You see…

Time was when Niran didn't bother tracking his expenses at all. And it wasn't because he didn't know how much of a beneficial exercise expense-tracking is. He just didn't think he could do it diligently. “So why start at all?” he reasoned.

One day, though, Niran stumbled on an Instagram video that likened expense-tracking to the compulsory clocking in and out at VIP establishments. The analogy spoke to his ego too much for him to ignore. That was the day he overcame that inhibition he'd always held. “I am not a marketplace. Money cannot just walk all around my domain without registering first. I am VIP enough to demand this of money,” Niran repeated to himself long enough until it sunk in. And thus his journey began.

Now, Niran knew he would chicken out if he jumped into daily expense-tracking. As with every new habit, there is wisdom in gradually easing into the new structure. So, Niran chose to track his expenses every 2 weeks. He would wake up on a Saturday morning and, one after the other, train his brain on every thing he had paid for in the 2 weeks preceding that date.

Oh, it was gruelling! Many times, he wanted to discard the commitment he made in this regard. However, Niran had also learnt of the difference between honesty and integrity. He knew that if he truly valued integrity like he claimed to, he would keep his promise to himself as fiercely as he kept promises made to others. No one coerced him into making this commitment. He went in wide-eyed. No one will punish him for reneging either. No one will know - except Niran himself, of course. And that was unacceptable as far as he was concerned.

So, Niran sat with the discomfort. The financial clarity he enjoyed after these expense-tracking exercises were a reward that trumped the discomfort he felt. Kinda like the muscles that kept him going to the gym on days when he really just wanted to sleep in and Netflix. And as Niran kept on, he made another observation…

Not like he measured it or anything but Niran is certain his blood pressure rose significantly during the 3 or 4 days before it was time to track his expenses. This experience is like the one a lady has knowing that her menstrual period was up ahead, bringing the usual pain and discomfort with it. The knowledge of the impending discomfort doesn't empower her to wish it away. So, she just braces for impact. This is how Niran’s biweekly sit-downs began to feel.

Then one day, he casually tossed a receipt into his center console. “I can discard it when I clean my car on Saturday,” he noted. Well, Saturday came and his reminder to track his expenses went off just as he was about to throw out the receipt he was holding. That was another light bulb moment on his journey. “Wetin dey do me, sef? he joked. “Why didn't I think of storing up my receipts ahead of when I would need to consult them?”

Since then, Niran’s financial management journey has gotten even more beautiful. There's his VIP status being renewed on schedule. There's the opportunity to lean more towards integrity than mere honesty. There's avoiding physiological and mental health issues because he wants to mitigate financial health ones. It's all just a wholesome package for him.

Now, Niran guards his receipts jealously, moving them to the top drawer of his dresser at the end of each day - before one oversabi driver at work will tell him, “Oga, I don epp you clean your car. I clean am well well.” Or, one colleague who hasn't learnt not to throw things out of moving vehicles will display that behaviour towards his treasured receipts.

What habits have you adopted that help you to experience calm ahead of stressful money management exercises? What happens for you at about the middle of the month that you need to prepare for?

If you'd like help such that the experience is easier to handle at this time, be sure to reach out. Here: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Highly-beneficial, clarity-procuring exercises can be light on your shoulders. Do not bear avoidable weights, alright?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 60-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

10/06/2026

Let's follow Kamsiyo through a season of intense stress to see what we might learn from his experience.

On track to become the CEO of his organization, his nose is in his computer whether he is at his desk or on his couch. Well, it is both his organization and not his. Here's what I mean…

Kamsiyo’s Dad breathes succession planning. He is not the type to assume that his first or only son should automatically take over the running of the organization after he steps aside. His daughters wouldn't be so favoured either. For Mr. Lorade, “Let the best man win.”

Through the years, Mr. Lorade had consistently shared his persuasion of a clear separation between ownership and management of the business. His children will continue to own the business - at least significant parts of it. However, they don't have to be the ones to manage the business.

So, over the past 3 years, Kamsiyo, his cousin, Made and 2 other divisional heads within the organization have been working to qualify for the role of CEO. The criteria for emergence have been clearly spelt out. Everyone knows how they would be adjudged when the time came for the next CEO to be chosen. The entire organisation knew that Mr. Lorade had outsourced this selection to a consulting firm to infuse more professionalism into the process.

Kamsiyo knew this, too. But, he initially didn't care much about being CEO. He had other plans. “Why be bogged down with management when I will continue to earn an income from ownership whichever way?”

However, something shifted in his mind barely a year later. The role of CEO suddenly became appealing to Kamsiyo. For whatever reason, he felt a need to qualify for the role first - even if he would step away after about 5 or 7 years.

But, Kamsiyo knew his father. That Kamsiyo was now showing signs of full interest wouldn't make Mr. Lorade cancel the contract he had signed with the consulting firm. Kamsiyo also knew his cousin, Made. Yes, they grew up like twin brothers. Yet, there was some unacknowledged rivalry between them. Kamsiyo just couldn't handle the thought of Made being the CEO. Neither could he as much as entertain those sure-to-torment thoughts of the other divisional heads leading the organization.

“What if they refuse to hand over to my own children when the time comes for them to choose their successors? So, all my father's sweat and blood would now be enjoyed by some other people who may not have our family's interests at heart?”

Of course, Kamsiyo had no business putting himself under so much pressure. All 4 of those in line to be CEO would do a good job of it - each of them having worked in the different divisions at different times and for varying durations. The non-family CEO-candidates, too, had each worked for a minimum of 25 years out of the 30 years for which the organization had been in existence. But, Kamsiyo’s ego is the one taking the driver’s seat right now.

Now you understand why he is as stressed as he is at this time. And, it's okay if you don't sympathise with him, don't worry. Lol. Let's focus for now on how this self-inflicted stress is impacting his finances and how to avoid same.

Kamsiyo, an erstwhile healthy foods-addict suddenly became the one who would go from one restaurant to the other, purchasing “whatever you have left” - his nose still in his computer as he waited for their leftovers. Okay, we wouldn't call it that. It's just what was left after they had sold the more dignified portions to the customers who came in earlier.

The other day, Kamsiyo finished eating at one of those restaurants and barely made it home before the white house came calling - both for Number 2 and for Number 1.5. He spent the next 3 days receiving drips at the family hospital. And though he didn't have to pay out of pocket, those 3 days away from his computer were torturous for Kamsiyo. It felt as if he was falling behind in the CEO-race. With his mind not at rest, his body delayed in healing and it took another 5 days after he was discharged before Kamsiyo was back to full functionality. So, let's multiply his hourly rate by 8 days to see what was in jeopardy.

Next, Kamsiyo began “investing” in spa sessions. They seemed a better alternative to the gym sessions he paid for but didn't show up to. Soon, he knew the names of all types of massages offered within a 30km radius of his house. The massage sessions held more promise of respite from his constantly aching…everywhere - at least, initially. Those investments didn't always yield results, though. Sometimes, Kamsiyo returned home from a massage session with more headache than he went in with. Then he would go back to reconcile with the sleep he initially quarrelled with.

Kamsiyo couldn't admit this to anybody but… he felt like he was drowning, yet couldn't help himself. So, he began grappling at straws. Anything to stay afloat.

Kamsiyo would aim to clear his phone's memory, be shown an advert at the end of the process, see a pair of sneakers, some casual wear plus a wristwatch and immediately place an order for them. Sure, he knew that he didn't really need them but he had to create an illusion of control. “These are the things a CEO would show up in at the golf club. I have to look the part, too, if I would clinch the role,” he'd say to assuage his guilty feeling.

Finally, everything that was remotely advertised as self-care substitutes became appealing to Kamsiyo. All kinds of teas, aromatherapy materials, home-service pedicure sessions, etc. made it to his house via his debit card. Some of them he didn't need to subscribe to or purchase directly. Friendly friends and colleagues just leaned into their knowledge of his needs and helped him to solve them - enriching their own pockets in the process.

You see how stress is making Kamsiyo deplete his financial armoury? Avoidable stress, o?

Well, what has stress been making you do? More correctly, what have you been doing with your money only because you feel stressed and nothing more? What expenses have remained consistent, yet are clearly not investments? Would you like to be delivered from such?

Here: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Feeling stressed is discomfort enough. Let's protect your money from feeling the heat, too.

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 60-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.