02/17/2026
Why, as a financial planner, am I reading this book?
Because money is essentially a tool for survival, safety, and autonomy, it triggers the same right-brain circuits that were wired during your first two + years of life.
Roughly 40-50% of adults struggle with an insecure attachment style.
I see it all the time in my work: People don't just manage money; they attach to it.
According to neurobiologist Dr. Allan Schore, our early relationships wire our "right brain" to handle stress and safety.
Decades later, those same circuits light up when we look at a bank statement.
Anxious Attachment (15%-20%): Money = Connection. You might over-give to keep people close, struggle to say "no" to expensive social plans, or obsessively check your balance to soothe your anxiety.
Avoidant Attachment (20-25%): This shows up in two ways. Youโre either the "Hyper-Independent" (using money as a shield so you never have to rely on anyone) OR the "Financial Ostrich" (ignoring statements and "ghosting" your debt because looking at it feels like an overwhelming threat). ๐
Disorganized Attachment (3-5%): The "Financial Rollercoaster." Itโs a mix of Anxious and Avoidant drives. You might feel a constant โpush-pullโ with money, such as cycles of financial chaos, avoidance, and emotional spending. This is the category I personally resonated with. The work of repairing my attachment patterns, rather than avoiding them, ultimately became one of my greatest strengths and a core reason I was drawn into this field.
The takeaway: You aren't "bad with money." You might just be dysregulated. Healing your finances often starts with healing your nervous system.
Have you ever noticed your spending habits change when youโre stressed in a relationship?
